The ugly truth

So here I will be sharing some of my deepest, rawest truths on experiences and feels that I’ve experienced in my life. So if you’re reading this, thank you for taking some time out of your day/night to hear me out! And as always sending love to all those that have been through the same or around the same that I have… So here we go!

Overthinking everything…

Do you ever sit up at night thinking about random things? Like a certain situation you have and just thinking about your next move.. Or if something is bothering you, you just sit there thinking about the ‘what if’s?’ Now this is crazy because I do this most nights (depends if I can’t sleep)

I might be overtired and boom! The thoughts run through my head like wildfire! Most nights I fall asleep straight away because of my long day of mummy duties. But as a stay-at-home-mum, there is a lot on my mind. Especially about my life…

And my life is busy, there’s NEVER nothing to do in my day and to be honest the biggest time waster is social media. It’s so addicting and in a way causes a lot of influences in my life. The good and the bad. So I may sit up at night thinking about my future and it’s scary! It’s scary because I think about the worst word possible “failure” like if I failed my kids in certain ways by certain things I’ve done? Or failed my future for not planning their future before having them?!

“I’m only human and only God can judge me..”

I tend to play out how I’m going to play out the next day, like what it’ll be like in the morning and try to set my mood for the next day. It’s exhausting! But why am I doing it? It literally just happens naturally and I can’t seem to figure out why?! But the worst thing about it is when I overthink about trust and loyalty about loved ones or my relationship…

Self-love is so important! Especially after a breakup. I went ahead trying to live my life without healing properly. I was emotionally hurt from past relationships that I have had my guard up ever since so that I wouldn’t get hurt and it backlashed on me because I thought by having comfort that everything was okay, but really… It only helped while I was getting that comfort from another person when I should’ve learned about self-love and learning about my identity and falling in love with myself.

It is hard to go from sleeping next to someone every night to coming home to an empty bed that feels like nothingness. But it was better than sleeping next to someone and feeling like you’re alone in the relationship. Also, it’s so important to heal first because sometimes you could run into a relationship with high expectations and wanting exactly what you’ve had before but better.

Expectations > Reality

The honest truth is: Sometimes deep within yourself, you’re not over your past relationship. Like for instance, you may want your past relationship to change and want better IN HIM and confusing that with starting a new relationship with the same intentions. Having high expectations for a new encounter and every time something bad came up, sadly I compared it to my past relationships with the ones who hurt me and very quickly put my guard up to shield them and my feelings. It can eventually adapt to keeping my guard up so that you wouldn’t get hurt by another man. Which is a big mistake, because the only person you’ll hurt is yourself. I’ve learned to trust and believe in the lord!

Yes, you just saw that! I’m coming to terms that everything happens for a reason and that reason is the man above setting up these obstacles for us to face to test us and our faith. Deep down I believe in the lord, but if I’m being honest, throughout my whole life, I have had my doubts and ignored him. Weirdly when I would pray for something or someone, he ALWAYS answered my prayers! Now, I’m ready to put the lord first before anything else

SELF REFLECTION

By overthinking I’ve made the biggest mistake by thinking too much into friendships, relationships & situations. By fault, I was still incorporating my past into my motives. Sad to say that using my past against my future had no benefits whatsoever and the new me has learned I have to use my past as lessons and not as motivations towards decisions I make for my future. At the end of the day, I have kids that are going to follow in my footsteps and the last thing I want is for them to watch me overthink every situation that comes along…

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